Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
