I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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