its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
