anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
