is your mom at the bar?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
