sarcasm needs its own font
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
