I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
