Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
