they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
