I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
