In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
