i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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