i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
