oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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