I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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