last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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