the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
