i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize