these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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