Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
