She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
