Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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