Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
