i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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