Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
