i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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