I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry about my life...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
