matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
