Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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