it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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