She's like a pop up book from hell.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
