last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
