thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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