You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
