whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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