I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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