It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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