How's work?
Spinning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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