By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize