Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
