I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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