The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
