its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
