We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
