She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Please don't give away my fajitas
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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