and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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