I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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