hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
