i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize