walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
