And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you inspire me to be a worse person
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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