I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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