I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My dick has a subreddit
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize