Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ugly people sure do ruin things
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
