I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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