I will die if light touches me.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
