Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
