Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize