I can text with my tongue
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
