Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize