I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
