So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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