Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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