I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
