Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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