She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
