handjob tips. give me some.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize