I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
