a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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