I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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