Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
