I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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