be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
