Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Vodka?
Forever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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