Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
