brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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