You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
