Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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