I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
