I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
3 2 1 whiskey
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
