also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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