sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
