Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
worst night to have a conscience
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
