She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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