Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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