She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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