he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize