Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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