i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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