Porn is love you can see.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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