He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
