I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
