If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
