so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
