I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
