first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
