if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
