My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
