Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
